A little extra! » Humor

How About A Little Humor? This is Taylor Mason

James — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 15:57:40 +0000

Raptor Devours Cheerleader

James — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:54:23 +0000

Another Cute Kitty Video

James — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 04:26:35 +0000

Priceless!

emichelle1113 — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 02:27:06 +0000

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

Annual Christmas Party

James — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:10:11 +0000

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2009 RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23 rd , starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along.
And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty

________________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2009 RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies
to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas
carols will be sung… We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

_______________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 3, 2009 RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Some body? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money
and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

________________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 4, 2009 RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant
women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the Gay men; each group
will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill
House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats
for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.
The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

________________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees DATE: October 5, 2009 RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table
furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes
have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing weirdo’s
can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

________________________________

Company Memo FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 2009 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her… In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23 rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays! Joan

Medical Conditions Of The Cartoon World

James — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:22:55 +0000

Funny yet sad – 54 years ago. Thanks Tina.

James — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 23:17:36 +0000

Comments made in the year 1955!

That’s only 54 years ago!

‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $20.00.

‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $2, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit.
25 cents a pack is ridiculous…

‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 10 cents just to mail a letter.

‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.

‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every
new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they
call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas

‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making
more than the President.

‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.. They are even making electric typewriters now.

‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing
the best people to government.

‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

‘No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’

‘If they think I’ll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.

Fun Theme Park Moments

Oscar — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 06:16:36 +0000

We’ve all had those fun moments while at a theme park. You know the one your friends and family can’t seem to stop making fun of you for? Or the one that makes you want to go again? With things being the way they are these days, why not share that moment with the rest of the world? I’ll start.

Take a look at this picture (click to see it larger).

See that kid I’m trying to drown? Funny story (at least for me). (Legal Disclaimer: No kids were harmed in the making of this story ).

I was at Universal Studios Hollywood this week and was having some fun with the kids (I don’t have kids, I mean the ones playing there) at The Adventures of Curious George area. This kid was shooting water at me whenever he could by using one of those stationary water shooter that you could turn left and right and up and down. Click here for a picture of what I mean. After about 20 minutes I decided it was my turn. 0|

I pretended to leave the area by walking by him and saying goodbye. He decided to have some fun and explore the ground level area. Little did he know I actually went up another set stairs that was out of his eye and I was keeping an eye on him. I filled up the buckets of water you see in the picture while keeping out of sight and when he walked on the mark on the floor, I let him have it. :A

He was surprised at his defeat and started to shoot me again. Joy. o) That was a great moment.

How about you? What was one of your fun moment at a theme park? Have more than one? Even better!

-Oscar

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

emichelle1113 — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 15:46:45 +0000

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is..
They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She
Came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building
Materials for his home. She read . ‘and so the pig went up to the man with the
Wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
Straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ….’I think the
Man would have said – ‘Well, I’ll be damned!! A talking pig!’

The teacher had to leave the room.

Little Carol wants a new bike for Christmas

emichelle1113 — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 16:17:45 +0000

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her

mother was making dinner.

Her birthday was coming up and she thought

this was a good time to tell

her mother what she wanted.

'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'

Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker.

She had gotten into

trouble at school and at home..

Carol's mother asked her if she thought

she deserved to get a bike for her birthday.

Little Carol, of course,

thought she did.

Carol's mother, being a Christian woman,

wanted her to reflect on her

behavior over the last year,

and write a letter to God and tell him why

she deserved a bike for her birthday.

Little Carol stomped up the steps

to her room and sat down to write God a letter.

_____

LETTER 1:

 Dear God:

I have been a very good girl this year and

I would like

 a bike for my birthday.

I want a red one

Your friend, Carol

 Carol knew this wasn't true..

She had not been a very good girl this

year, so she tore up the letter

and started over.

  _____

LETTER 2:

 Dear God:

This is your friend Carol. I have been a

pretty good girl this year, and

I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Carol

Carol knew this wasn't true either.

She tore up the letter and started

again.

  _____

LETTER 3:

Dear God:

  I know I haven't been a good girl this year.

I am very sorry. I will

be a good girl if you just send me a red bike

for my birthday.

Thank you, Carol

Carol knew, even if it was true,

this letter was not going to get her a

bike. By now, she was very upset.

She went downstairs and told her

mother she wanted to go to church.

Carol's mother thought her plan had

worked because Carol looked very sad.

‘Just be home in time for dinner,’ her mother said. Carol walked down

the street to the church and up to the altar.

She looked around to see

if anyone was there.. She picked up a statue of

the Virgin Mary ,

slipped it under her jacket and ran out of

the church, down the

 street, into her house, and up to her room.

She shut the door and sat down and

wrote her letter to God.

  _____

LETTER 4:

I GOT YOUR MAMA.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed, YOU KNOW WHO