Day 4 of 10

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This is only humor. I HOPE its not true.

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that
Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially
passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Day 3 of 10

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Day 2 of 10

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20 Great Snowman Cartoons in 10 Days, Enjoy!

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I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public..
The younger generation doesn’t know they exist.

STORY:
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat.
In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.
I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me:
“Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go ”

Server:
“That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?”

Me:
“No, it’s to go..” At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server:
“Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.”

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.
The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server:
“Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?”

Manager:
“No. A what?”

Server:
“A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.”

Manager:
“Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.”

Server:
“Yeah, thought so.”

He comes back to me and says, “We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?”

Me:
“Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?”

Server:
“I don’t know.”

Me:
“See here where it says legal tender?”

Server:
“Yeah.”

Me:
“So, why won’t you take it?”

Server:
“Well, hang on a sec.”

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, “He says I have to take it.”

Manager:
“Doesn’t he have anything else?”

Server:
“Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change ”

Manager:
“I’m not opening the safe with him in here.”

Server:
“What should I do?”

Manager:
“Tell him to come back later when he has real money.”

Server:
“I can’t tell him that! You tell him.”

Manager:
“Just tell him.”

Server:
“No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.”

The manager approaches me and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.”

Me:
“It’s only seven o’clock ! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.”

Manager:
“We don’t take those, either.”

Me:
“Why not?”
Manager:
“I think you know why.”

Me:
“No really, tell me why.”

Manager:
“Please leave before I call mall security.”

Me:
“Excuse ! me?”

Manager:
“Please leave before I call mall security.”

Me:
“What on earth for?”

Manager:
“Please, sir.”

Me:
“Uh, go ahead, call them.”

Manager:
“Would you please just leave?”

Me:
“No.”

Manager:
“Fine — have it your way then.”

Me:
“Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?”

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy Comes in.

Guard:
“Yeah, Mike, what’s up?”

Manager (whispering):
“This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.”

Guard:
“No kidding! What?”

Manager:
“Get this A two dollar bill.”

Guard (incredulous): “Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?”

Manager:
“I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.”

Guard:
“Oh, so the fifty’s fake!”

Manager:
“No, the two dollar bill is.”

Guard:
“Why would he fake a two dollar bill?”

Manager:
“I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?”

Guard:
“Yeah.”

Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard:
“Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.”

Me:
“Uh, no.”

Guard:
“Lemme see ‘em.”

Me:!
“Why?”

Guard:
“Do you want me to get the cops in here?”

At this point I am ready to say, “Sure, please!” but I want to eat, so I say “I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, “Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?”

Manager:
“It’s fake.”

Guard:
“It doesn’t look fake to me.”

Manager:
“But it’s a two dollar bill.”

Guard:
“Yeah?”

Man! ager:
“Well, there’s no such thing, is there?”

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think…those two will be voting soon…………………………………..

This is GOOD!
Thanks Wanda!!

1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the Area code…)
2. Multiply by 80
3. Add 1
4. Multiply by 250
5. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number
6. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
7. Subtract 250
8. Divide number by 2

Weird would probably be an understatement about this one.

http://istheday.blogspot.com/2007/09/today-is-day.html

hahaha, thank you Laurie!
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ….same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’ ‘They’re already buy-one-get-one-free,’ she said, ‘so I guess they’re both free’. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, ‘Look at that dead bird!’ Someone looked Up at the sky and said, ‘Where?’

They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the North?’ When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, ‘Oh I don’t keep up with all that stuff.’

They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, ‘The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.’ He responded, ‘Is that Eastern or Pacific time?’ Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, ‘Uh, Pacific.’

They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?’

They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.’

Yep, They Walk Among Us!