Day 3 of 10

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Day 2 of 10

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20 Great Snowman Cartoons in 10 Days, Enjoy!

Click The Images/Cartoons To View Them In Original Size.

I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public..
The younger generation doesn’t know they exist.

STORY:
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat.
In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.
I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me:
“Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go ”

Server:
“That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?”

Me:
“No, it’s to go..” At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server:
“Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.”

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.
The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server:
“Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?”

Manager:
“No. A what?”

Server:
“A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.”

Manager:
“Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.”

Server:
“Yeah, thought so.”

He comes back to me and says, “We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?”

Me:
“Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?”

Server:
“I don’t know.”

Me:
“See here where it says legal tender?”

Server:
“Yeah.”

Me:
“So, why won’t you take it?”

Server:
“Well, hang on a sec.”

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, “He says I have to take it.”

Manager:
“Doesn’t he have anything else?”

Server:
“Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change ”

Manager:
“I’m not opening the safe with him in here.”

Server:
“What should I do?”

Manager:
“Tell him to come back later when he has real money.”

Server:
“I can’t tell him that! You tell him.”

Manager:
“Just tell him.”

Server:
“No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.”

The manager approaches me and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.”

Me:
“It’s only seven o’clock ! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.”

Manager:
“We don’t take those, either.”

Me:
“Why not?”
Manager:
“I think you know why.”

Me:
“No really, tell me why.”

Manager:
“Please leave before I call mall security.”

Me:
“Excuse ! me?”

Manager:
“Please leave before I call mall security.”

Me:
“What on earth for?”

Manager:
“Please, sir.”

Me:
“Uh, go ahead, call them.”

Manager:
“Would you please just leave?”

Me:
“No.”

Manager:
“Fine — have it your way then.”

Me:
“Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?”

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy Comes in.

Guard:
“Yeah, Mike, what’s up?”

Manager (whispering):
“This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.”

Guard:
“No kidding! What?”

Manager:
“Get this A two dollar bill.”

Guard (incredulous): “Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?”

Manager:
“I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.”

Guard:
“Oh, so the fifty’s fake!”

Manager:
“No, the two dollar bill is.”

Guard:
“Why would he fake a two dollar bill?”

Manager:
“I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?”

Guard:
“Yeah.”

Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard:
“Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.”

Me:
“Uh, no.”

Guard:
“Lemme see ‘em.”

Me:!
“Why?”

Guard:
“Do you want me to get the cops in here?”

At this point I am ready to say, “Sure, please!” but I want to eat, so I say “I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, “Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?”

Manager:
“It’s fake.”

Guard:
“It doesn’t look fake to me.”

Manager:
“But it’s a two dollar bill.”

Guard:
“Yeah?”

Man! ager:
“Well, there’s no such thing, is there?”

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think…those two will be voting soon…………………………………..

This is GOOD!
Thanks Wanda!!

1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the Area code…)
2. Multiply by 80
3. Add 1
4. Multiply by 250
5. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number
6. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
7. Subtract 250
8. Divide number by 2

Weird would probably be an understatement about this one.

http://istheday.blogspot.com/2007/09/today-is-day.html

hahaha, thank you Laurie!
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ….same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’ ‘They’re already buy-one-get-one-free,’ she said, ’so I guess they’re both free’. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, ‘Look at that dead bird!’ Someone looked Up at the sky and said, ‘Where?’

They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the North?’ When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, ‘Oh I don’t keep up with all that stuff.’

They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, ‘The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.’ He responded, ‘Is that Eastern or Pacific time?’ Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, ‘Uh, Pacific.’

They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?’

They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.’

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

I just had to post this one. Thanks CAT!

 

Can you cry under water?  

---

How important does a person have to be before they

are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

---

 Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. But it’s only 

a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?  

---

 Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing 

the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

---

 Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 

 

---

 What disease did cured ham actually have?

---

How is it that we put man on the moon before  we  

figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?  

---

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” 

when babies wake up like every two hours?

---

 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

---

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

---

 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money 

in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

---

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? 

They’re going to see you naked anyway.

---

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

---

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

---

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,

why is there a stupid song about him?

---

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

---

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio  

out  of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

---

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? 

They’re both DOGS.  

---

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

---

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

---

Do the Alphabet song and 

  Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star  have the same tune?

---

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

---

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, 

but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

---

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, 

  he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, 

he sticks his head out the window?

Let’s ask our “experts”!

DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL :
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN :
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth?’ That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA :
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cras…#@&&h^(C% ……. reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE :
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS :
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY :
Where’s my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.