I bookmarked this video. This is hilarious! Watch the man sitting down in yellow.
You’ll understand it better when they give him a microphone.

‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.  As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.  As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.  When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:  ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.  ’I'm just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother.  ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible.  He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.  Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.  He picked up the object and looked at it.  What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father
said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford
it.’ The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front
door with a suitcase. So he asked, ‘Son, where are you going?’ Little
Joseph told him; ‘I was walking past your room last night and heard you
telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait
because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by
myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!

Here is the original site:

http://www.news3online.com

And to make your own.

http://www.news3online.com/spread.php?

Warning! Bad Language!
So if you are easily offended, don’t click on the link. (lots of F bombs here)

To everyone who does click, this is some funny stuff.

http://gawker.com/390156/top-ten-angry-on+camera-meltdowns

Haha, thanks Alan!
Some of these i’ve never read.

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you’ve learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English
lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries
in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet,
are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but
fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by
ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it
out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible.
P.S. – Why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with “quick”?

These are funny. I had to share! Thanks Wayne.