There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

 I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
 
Sincerely, Edna

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2009 RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23 rd , starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along.
And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty

________________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2009 RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies
to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas
carols will be sung… We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

_______________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 3, 2009 RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Some body? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money
and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

________________________________

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 4, 2009 RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant
women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the Gay men; each group
will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill
House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats
for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.
The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

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Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees DATE: October 5, 2009 RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table
furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes
have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing weirdo’s
can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

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Company Memo FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 2009 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her… In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23 rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays! Joan

Comments made in the year 1955!

That’s only 54 years ago!

‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $20.00.

‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $2, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit.
25 cents a pack is ridiculous…

‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 10 cents just to mail a letter.

‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.

‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every
new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they
call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas

‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making
more than the President.

‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.. They are even making electric typewriters now.

‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing
the best people to government.

‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

‘No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’

‘If they think I’ll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.

We’ve all had those fun moments while at a theme park. You know the one your friends and family can’t seem to stop making fun of you for? Or the one that makes you want to go again? With things being the way they are these days, why not share that moment with the rest of the world? I’ll start.

Take a look at this picture (click to see it larger).

See that kid I’m trying to drown? Funny story (at least for me). (Legal Disclaimer: No kids were harmed in the making of this story ).

I was at Universal Studios Hollywood this week and was having some fun with the kids (I don’t have kids, I mean the ones playing there) at The Adventures of Curious George area. This kid was shooting water at me whenever he could by using one of those stationary water shooter that you could turn left and right and up and down. Click here for a picture of what I mean. After about 20 minutes I decided it was my turn.

I pretended to leave the area by walking by him and saying goodbye. He decided to have some fun and explore the ground level area. Little did he know I actually went up another set stairs that was out of his eye and I was keeping an eye on him. I filled up the buckets of water you see in the picture while keeping out of sight and when he walked on the mark on the floor, I let him have it.

He was surprised at his defeat and started to shoot me again. Joy. That was a great moment.

How about you? What was one of your fun moment at a theme park? Have more than one? Even better!

-Oscar

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is..
They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She
Came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building
Materials for his home. She read . ‘and so the pig went up to the man with the
Wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
Straw to build my house?’

The teacher had to leave the room.

At first, I thought this was just a regular online shopping site.
Let it load….thats when it gets interesting!

http://producten.hema.nl/

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When
they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to
school every morning

Uphill… barefoot…

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay
a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard
I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of
thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the
youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say
it but you kids today you
don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet.
If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the
library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the
street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a
week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our
parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of
all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No
where was safe!

There were no MP3′ s or Napsters! You wanted to
steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store
and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off
the radio and the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning
and @#*% it all up!

There were no CD players! We had tape decks
in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and
“eject” it when finished and the tape would come
undone cause that’s how we rolled dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy
signal, that’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could
be your school,
your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a
collections agent, you
just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your
chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video
games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari
2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘asteroids’. Your
guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no
multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
harder and harder and
faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out
what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You
had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We
had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled
l^&%*!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up we had to use the stove … Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy.
You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted
five minutes back in 1980 or before !

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd